


just how deep would you dig if you could bury me?

by pulchramors



Series: Akira's New Game + Adventures [2]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Blood, Broken Bones, Dark Akira, Duct Tape, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Hatred, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mental Instability, Mild Gore, Murder, Poisoning, Revenge, Self-Hatred, Stabbing, Strangulation, Time Loop, Whump, i'd add dark Akechi but I mean the boy is already like that in canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:27:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25915111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pulchramors/pseuds/pulchramors
Summary: All the loops Akira kept trying to make Akechi betray the conspiracy, only to result to his death over and over and over again and the one loop he finally snapped at him.
Relationships: can be read as akeshu/shuake
Series: Akira's New Game + Adventures [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1849576
Comments: 21
Kudos: 88





	just how deep would you dig if you could bury me?

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This fic is Akira getting murdered over and over again in various ways in different loops and then snapping at Akechi, who in the specific timeline, hasn't done any of it and doesn't even know him yet.
> 
> A big thanks to discord for giving me some murder ideas! (´ω｀ ）♡
> 
> Also I know the title is from a song because I took it from my 'lyrics and quotes' notebook BUT I didn't the title written beside it and google is no help. If you recognize it, leave a comment please!
> 
> I will probably do a detailed TW later, but for now, heed the tags please! The revenge bit is the second from the last segment and is the most graphic.
> 
> Come scream at me on tumblr if you want!: https://pleasant-boi.tumblr.com/
> 
> English isn't my native, so sorry if there any grammar/spelling mistakes! Let me know if you spot any! (>.<;;)

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station, resisting the urge to throw his bag on the floor and start screaming in frustration, still feeling Akechi's grip around his throat. _Alright_. Convincing Akechi to betray the conspiracy was going to be hard, but _he was going to get it right next time._

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station, taking a shaky breath, pushing a hand behind his bangs as he remembered Akechi's twisted smile as he pointed the gun to his forehead. _He was going to get it right next time. What was that saying? Third time's the charm, right?_ _  
_

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. This time it was a gun again, but Akechi had missed, too distraught with his actions and run out of the interrogation room, _leaving_ _him_ to slowly bleed out instead of the _mercy_ of a quick death. He shuddered, remembering the cold of the blood loss, the pain searing through his body. _Next time for sure.  
_

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. _This time Akechi had taken his time, pressing into the wounds and bruises, taunting him about how stupid he was and how he couldn't see his betrayal coming._ _Akira had laughed at that, which just prompted Akechi to shoot his knees, making him cry out and scream, demanding answers Akira technically had, but how do you say to someone "I know you, I've known you for so many lifetimes, because I'm repeating over and over and over the same events, trying to find an exit and maybe you are the answer, maybe saving you is the key, maybe it isn't but you deserve to be saved anyway, even if you'd snap at me for thinking so, even if you don't think you'd deserve it, so I keep trying and trying and trying and I don't think I'll stop, even if it's futile."? He **couldn** ' **t** so - Next time, next time for sure - _

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. _This time, Akechi killed him in the metaverse, making him trade his life for his team, somewhere around mid-way through Kaneshiro's palace. The fact that he **knew** Akechi was going to kill them anyway after he was done with him almost hurt worse than Loki's teeth sinking in his neck as hot swords impaled him, making the Phantom Thieves scream out to him, but it didn't matter, nothing mattered, because - _

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. _Gun, in a random alley in Kichijoji. Next time._

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. Strangulation again. _Next time._

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. Gun, interrogation room, again and again, _the same result over and over_ _. Akira gave up on convincing Akechi in that cold basement. Next time_.

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. _Knife, multiple stab wounds and dragging his half-conscious body to the metaverse to never be found, to get ripped to pieces by shadows._ _Next time._

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station _. This time, Akechi slammed his head at the wall of the bathhouse and held his head under the water, mumbling something Akira couldn't hear as he grabbed at his hands, his nails digging to his skin, just from pure instinct, not seriously trying to fight him off, because it didn't matter, it would just rewind and he would do **better** next time.  
_

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. _He almost made it this time, he thought._ The roof of Akechi's apartment complex, trying to map out the places the stars would be without light pollution. Talking about fate and destiny and two-sided coins. Akechi had smirked, taking a long drag out of a cigarette and slowly blowing out the smoke, thinking for a few moments before telling him about how it all ultimately led to this- _the coin could not spin in the air for eternity_. If that supposed coin was thrown, it had to land and no matter on what side it did, it ultimately led to the same result; Someone _had_ to die in the end, the coin would make an impact and shatter the ground bellow their feet - either way, the result of a rigged game, played by cruel fates on a whim at the expense of humanity, of their lives. Akechi listening intently to Akira as he tried to reason with him, _telling him how there's one in a million chance the coin could land on its edge._ Sitting on the same roof a few weeks later, talking about free will, about choices and how and if they did matter, _about how the coin is still turning, Akechi, please- Next time they were on that roof, Akira could feel blood in his hairline from getting thrown on the still warm from the September sun concrete, looking at Akechi with a dazed look, as he was grasping at his shirt, screaming about how nothing mattered and if they were destined to kill each other why not just get fucking over it already?_ _How Akira refused to, how Akechi punched him and snapped at him, because he wouldn't accept a win where he refused to fight back. How Akira pushed him back at that and how they beat the shit out of one another, how finally Akechi kicked him, making him lose his balance and stumble back, grabbing Akechi at the last second and pulling him down with him, how he gripped him tightly, hoping to break his fall enough to maybe survive, because it didn't matter if Akira died, there was always next time-_

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. _Akira patted Akechi's hair softly as he cried, smiling at him, half-listening to how he called him a fucking idiot while griping his shirt tightly with one hand, the other driving the knife with practiced precision to puncture his lung. Akira trying to tell him it's okay while wheezing and coughing up blood when he stabbed him again, lower this time, then watching him pull out the bloody knife from his body and with trembling hands drive it to his chest as he choked back sobs. The last thing Akira felt as his vision went black was Akechi coughing up warm blood and slumping against him, the handle of the blade pressing against him, driving the blade further into Akechi. Next time, next time, **next time, next -** _

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. _This time, he let himself relax, because he thought Akechi **had** betrayed the conspiracy. _But he was naive, careless - He didn't think it was weird when Akechi smiled and told him he wanted to learn how to brew coffee, but he wanted it to be a surprise to the others and Sojiro would kill him, "- _so could you keep it a secret and teach me when we're alone? Come on Kurusu, indulge me this once."_. He watched him during a lazy afternoon, the two of them alone at the small cafe, trying to discern if the little spot just under his hairline at the back of his neck as he pulled his hair back in a ponytail was a mole or not. He smiled sheepishly at Akechi handing him his first mug of coffee, his expression turning to shock as the bitter liquid slid in his throat. Akechi bit his lips and held him back with a snarl, forcing him to drink the whole cup even as he tried to cough it out and push him off, mumbling over and over that _this was the only way, this is how things should end_ , finally stumbling away as the mug emptied, letting it fall on the floor along with him and shatter. Akira looking up to Akechi's glassy eyes with a betrayed look, trying to speak through coughs as he weakly reached out to him, vision swimming as he kneeled over and started spasming helplessly on the ground. _He could still feel the bitter taste in his mouth for what felt like weeks, even if he knew it didn't carry over to the next loop._ Next time, next time, _he had to keep going._

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. _This time, Akira offered his power to the conspiracy._ He tried to make him come to his senses, to make him realize Shido was just going to kill him after he was done, but Akechi became colder and more ruthless than ever. He spent his days in Shido's cruise ship, trying to find anything about the conspiracy that would be useful that he missed as a Phantom Thief, make Akechi meet the cognition of himself in there, because maybe that would change his mind, but it was too late now for this, even Akira himself wasn't a Phantom Thief this time round and for the first time Akechi outright detested him, no matter how he tried to approach him. _He didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry when Akechi came to kill him, along with his friends -former friends? They weren't as close in this loop, no, he kept a distance trying not to involve them, but after so many loops they were his universe, the one thing keeping him from going completely insane, pulling him like a black hole, because **without them he was nothing, he never was-** now a member of the Phantom Thieves that existed **without** **him -were you ever needed? were you ever important? you just gave them what they wanted, what you thought was best but they're doing great without you, aren't they?-** and so he did neither. He didn't even put up a serious fight. They didn't want to kill him, but Shido's cognitions had other plans, speaking of useless broken toys and puppets. Akira shot the bulkhead, bringing the metal down, smirking at him, only giving him a small quip about paybacks, watching their eyes widen as the thick metal wall separated them. **Next time.**_

* * *

_Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station, losing count of the times he woke up the last few loops after getting murder by the same person he was desperately trying to save. Gun again. Simple and clean. So boring compared to everything but still-_

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. _The interrogation room, Shido's men taking their time to torture him for answers, not letting Sae in, Akechi digging his nails in his -ungloved- hands, ordering them to drug him again, to rip out his nails, "- **he** said you could do anything to make him pliant". The next few days? Weeks? Months? It certainly felt like months, though it couldn't have been that long, everything passed in a haze of drugged torture, human experiments, needles and vivisections, fighting and pills and pain, pain, pain, **pain so much pain** , until Akechi slipped in his cell alone, quickly undoing his restraints and trying to prop him up, saying he was sorry, that he would fix this, everyone was waiting for him, trying to help him move, to get out, Akira just **begging** him to kill him already because it didn't matter until Akechi complied with shaking hands, finally putting him out of his misery. Next time, next time **couldn't be this bad**.  
_

* * *

_Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. He was too tired to resist as Akechi slipped a noose around his neck, making it look like he hung himself from one of the beams in the attic. Next time... **He had to try and do better, everything would turn out fine next time.** _

_Next time, next time, Akira woke up on the train and failed and woke up on the train and failed and woke up on the train and failed and Akira woke up on the train and failed and Akira woke up on the train and failed and Akira woke up on the train and failed and Akira woke up on the train and failed and Akira woke up on the train and failed_ _and Akira woke up on the train and failed and Akira woke up on the train - and failed and failed and failed, again and again and again and again and again and again and he was probably exaggerating, losing count between how many times he's been stabbed, he's been ripped to pieces, he's been shot, tortured, dismembered, poisoned, it didn't matter, **Akira woke up on the train and failed and hoped for the next time-**  
_

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. He, Akechi and Futaba were waiting to cross the road, walking home together after seeing a Featherman special that was aired in a small event. Futaba kept nervously ranting about the special, not being able to fully enjoy her analysis because of the crowds, clinging to Akira. Akechi quickly checked his phone and smiled, saying he knew a detour they could take. Akira was getting nervous as they went through the backroads, but he chose to ignore it, because Futaba was getting more relaxed now that the only people on the sidewalk were just a few men in suits, instead of the usual bustle of downtown. _It passed in almost a blur_ \- _Akira got grabbed by the collar, Akechi shoving him on the road as a dark car passed by. Akira screamed, feeling his bones shutter, feeling himself getting flung on the side by the impact, his head hitting the road. He must have passed out for a few seconds, because he woke up at the sound of Futaba's screams, trying to open up his eyes and he barely had the time -or the ability, his head fuzzy and limbs barely cooperating- to blindly get himself on his hands and knees, pressing his nails on the asphalt to stop himself from crying out again from the pain, his vision blurry, trying to tell her it was going to be okay, he wouldn't die like her mom. " He's not dead yet. **Back up the car."** Akechi's cold voice made his eyes finally snap open, seeing him talk to the phone, a man pushing Futaba away as she couldn't even form words with how erratic her crying was, but he was too disorientated to react quickly enough as he heard the car, not managing to scramble away before the metal hit his body a second time. Ne-Next -  
_

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station _. Akechi had killed the rest of the Phantom Thieves first, leaving their **corpses dismembered and scattered** across both the real world and the metaverse for him to find. **Akira tore him to shreds** in a fit of anger, screaming at his dead body until his throat hurt too much and didn't even make a sound as he shook his corpse, **shouting begging and cursing** to no one and nothing in particular, too weak to heal himself. He saw shadows approaching from the corner of his eye but just kept digging his knife in Akechi's stomach, pulling out cut up entrails, watching his blank gaze with a cold fury he didn't know he had in him, his hands covered up to his elbows with blood, ignoring the shadows tearing him up, his vision blurry with tears, anger, desperation, sadness, blood loss and pain, shit he didn't know what or how to feel.  
_

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station. The icy cold fury in his stomach didn't settle down as he bit his lips and dug his nails in his palms, as he tugged at his bangs until it felt like he was going to rip them off. It didn't calm when he went to LeBlanc, or after spending hours obsessively scrubbing and dusting the attic. It didn't die out as he lied on the bed, at that parody of the Velvet Room or when he woke up the next day. As Sojiro complained about the traffic something started screaming in Akira's head that it was time to take revenge, Akechi would be tired after causing the mental shutdown, _it was the perfect chance_. Akira tried to ignore it, but it didn't go away all day, screaming, demanding his attention, not stopping even after Sojiro closed up shop and Akira tried to drown these thoughts _he didn't want to admit it wasn't the first time he had,_ pushing his pillow over his head. But it didn't matter if it was just going to reset, no one remembered anything, him and him alone was trapped in this _fucking game-_

 _No one would know._ _  
_

_No one would remember._

**_It didn't matter, right?_ **

Akira pulled his hood over his head. A pair of gloves. Rope, lockpicks, duct tape, a face mask. Left his glasses home and snuck out with practiced ease. Akechi was passed out on a stack of papers on the floor, probably falling asleep midway through doing what appeared to be math homework. He was snoring lightly and had tossed and turned too much in his sleep, the floor pillow he was originally sitting on pushed on top of some crinkled papers. _How mundane._ Still not enough to stop the anger in his guts but enough to make him hesitate, enough for Akechi to wake up _-ever the light sleeper-_ as the papers made a sound under his shoes when he stepped on them.

Akira didn't let himself think about it again, jumping on Akechi before he had the chance to fully awake-

“You know, I really gotta hand it to you – you _did_ put up a pretty good fight.” Akira mumbled as he wrapped yet another layer of ducktape around Akechi's head with one hand, harshly pulling on his hair with the other. Akechi glared at him, shifting in the tight, tight enough to stop blood flow bonds and Akira just pulled harder until he let out a pained moan, muffled by all the tape. " _Don't want your hair getting caught, now do we?"_ he chuckled. " _I really didn't want to do this, **but you've made me, you-"**_

Akira wiped the sweat off his face, letting out a heavy breath. Akechi was squirming in his bonds, one of his eyes already swollen shut, his nose bleeding and definitely hurting each time he took a sharp breath through it. He had cut his clothes off, leaving him only in his underwear, so he could watch the bruises forming in his stomach. Maybe he'd broken a rib or two as well, judging from the swelling bootprint in that area. Akechi had curled up on himself as soon as Akira stepped away, shaking slightly. Akira came back a few minutes later with a hammer, a cruel smirk creeping on his face, as Akechi's eyes widened and shook his head no, trying to scramble back. _"You don't remember, but one time you shot me in the knees. I don't have a gun, so I guess I'll just pay you back by breaking your knee caps."_ He hesitated for a second as Akechi looked up with pleading eyes, but he quickly got over it, savoring the muffled scream.

Akira didn't know how much time had passed before he seemed to snap out of it. He had dragged Akechi to the bathroom by his hair at some point, throwing him in the tile floor, spraying him with cold water every time he passed out. He had untied him, but his was too out of it to even think about resisting, his limbs broken, his whole body bruised and broken. He had slashed him a few times with some knives he found in the kitchen, originally wanting to cut his fingers off, but none were sharp enough to cut through bone _-he tried with all of them-_ so he had to make do with just breaking his fingers and just slashing and stabbing him. A long one across his face, along with several smaller ones, pressing the handle on the knife hard over his broken nose - Akechi had always been vain, and the look of terror and hate and resignation all together as he cut him was _nauseating_ , but he couldn't tell if it was in a bad or good way. When Akira finally dropped the knife Akechi could barely react other than involuntary twitches and shudders, not even trying to reach up to get the tape of his mouth with his bloody and broken fingers.

Akira looked at him for a few moments. That turned into minutes, as he slowly came back to his senses and realized _what he had done._

When Akira took the tape off Akechi only breathlessly sobbed, trying to mumble something and Akira just gently lifted him to the bathtub, cleaning and patching up everything, letting him pass out and tuck him into bed before bleaching everything in the small apartment. He spent the rest of loop in a depressive haze, feeling sick to his stomach, not even going on the school trip on the TV station, trying to tune out the constant chatters for months about how ' _the second detective prince got beat up almost to death by some lunatic in his apartment! Isn't that scary?! I even heard that the first detective prince took the case personally, but that psycho left no evidence! How cruel! I hear he may not even be able to walk properly ever again! And his face got super messed up too!'_ Akira's probation ended with no hiccups. Nothing notable about a weird loner, staying away from everyone and heading straight after school to hide in a crummy attic. **But that didn't matter, because the end of the loop was reaching and so-**

* * *

Akira woke up on the train, the screens displaying 4/9, the announcer's voice coldly informing him of the next station.

**Author's Note:**

> Look, you can probably make out that my favorite anime when I was 13 were neon genesis evangelion and puella magi madoka magica from this. I've accepted it hahaha. Also thinking about doing a piece about all the times Akechi died in the loops and how Akira had to watch most of them. Real madohomu hours. XDD
> 
> The coin thing is inspired from an older series of video games called 'legacy of kain' which is the best thing in existence (ok, that's an exaggeration but REALLY, it single handily made me a monster-fucking home of sexual). I would say to please check it out, but the last game in the series came out in 2003 I think, so if you don't I get it hahaha. Still do though, it was my first exposure to "enemies to lovers, 400K slow-burn, attempted murder" and the dialogue still leaves me S H O O K, Shakespeare WHO?
> 
> This work contains violent content. The author absolutely does not condone violent actions towards people irl. (Though, alright, if someone manages to violently murder you 20+ times, yeah, you get a free pass, go feral) If you have strong violent thoughts and urges and you believe you might act on them and put yourself or others in danger, seek professional help and find a healthy outlet for your pent up emotions!
> 
> Thanks for reading! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ Hope you liked it! Feel free to leave a comment and let me know your thoughts!


End file.
